Your self-esteem is probably the most important part of your personality. It precedes and predicts your performance in almost everything you do. It is the energy source of your personality, and how much self-esteem you have determines your levels of vitality, enthusiasm and personal magnetism. People with high self-esteem are more positive, more likable and more effective in every part of their lives. Your job, therefore, is to keep your self-esteem high and positive on a continuing basis.
Probably the best definition of selfesteem is this: “the level to which you respect and value yourself as an important, worthwhile person.” When you feel really good about yourself, you tend to be the very best person you can possibly be.
I have developed a simple formula that contains six critical elements of self-esteem building. Let’s take them one at a time:
1. Goals
How much you like and respect yourself is directly affected by your goals. The very act of setting big, challenging goals for yourself and making written plans of action to achieve them actually raises your self-esteem, which causes you to feel much better about yourself. It’s really important to have clear goals for each part of your life and to continually work toward achieving those goals. Each progressive step causes your self-esteem to go up and makes you feel more positive and effective in everything else you do.2. Standards
The second element in self-esteem building is having clear standards and values to which you are committed. The higher your values and ideals are, and the more committed you are to living your life consistent with those values and ideals, the more you will like and respect yourself, and the higher your self-esteem will be. When your goals and values are in harmony with each other, you feel a wonderful surge of energy and well-being, and that’s when you start to make real progress.3. Success Experiences
The third element in self-esteem building involves having success experiences. Once you have set your goals and standards, it is important that you make them measurable so that you can keep score of your small and large successes along the way. The very act of setting up a goal, breaking it down into smaller parts, and then completing those parts makes you feel like a winner and causes your self-esteem to go up. But remember that you can’t hit a target you can’t see. You can’t feel like a winner unless you clearly lay out the standards by which you are going to measure your success and then achieve those standards.4. Comparison with Others
The fourth element of self-esteem is comparison with others. Leon Festinger of Harvard University concluded that in determining how well we are doing, we do not compare ourselves with abstract standards, but rather, we compare ourselves with people we know. To feel like a winner, you must know for sure that you are doing as well as, or better than, someone else. The more you know about how well the others in your field are doing, and the more favorably you compare with them, the more you will feel like a winner, and the higher your self-esteem will be. Eventually, successful people reach the point where they compete only with themselves and with their past accomplishments.5. Recognition
The next element for self-esteem is recognition of your accomplishments by people whom you respect. To feel really great about yourself, you need the recognition of people you look up to and admire, such as your boss, your coworkers, your spouse and people in your social circle. Whenever you are recognized and praised for any accomplishment by someone whose opinion you hold in high regard, your self-esteem goes up, along with your eagerness and enthusiasm to do even better on the job.6. Rewards
The final element of self-esteem involves rewards that are consistent with your accomplishments. You may work in a field where you receive financial bonuses, status symbols-larger offices, bigger cars-or even plaques and trophies for superior achievement. All of those symbols can have an incredible impact on raising your self-esteem and causing you to feel terrific about yourself. If, however, your existing situation does not offer the tangible or intangible rewards that are necessary for you to build and maintain your self-esteem, you must create rewards for yourself. One of the smartest things you can do is to design a system for giving yourself rewards for both small and large accomplishments as you move progressively toward your goals. Each of those rewards serves as an incentive that motivates them to repeat the performance.
Whether or not your current environment provides the six elements of self-esteem building you need to establish your own structure and take full responsibility for building yourself up on a regular basis. The only real way for you to absolutely know that you are a valuable and worthwhile person is for you to make the effort, overcome the obstacles and pay the price to bring these elements into your life. When you have that foundation, you will experience a form of mental fitness and unshakable optimism that will sustain you through failure and propel you to success.
Brian Tracy is the author of “Million Dollar Habits” and “Getting Rich Your Own Way.” He can be contacted at 858.481.2977, or visit www.briantracy.com.
