You’re sitting in the office with your client as they talk about what they want or perhaps the problems they are having with a product or service. You want them to know that you’re listening and you know it’s important to show concern, but you’re a little tired. They’re going on and on, or maybe they’re saying some negative things and you’re feeling a little defensive. What can you do to help you focus and show them that you are listening? What body language cues show that you’re listening? Just remember what your mother told you when you were younger: “You must behave like a gentleman or gentlewoman.” BeGENTLER with your listening.
G-ive Facial Feedback
You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and similarly you will have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to the client’s message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your own eyes. If they are mad, close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that they have in theirs, and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.
E-ye Contact
A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker. Research (Pease 1981) suggests that if you want to have good rapport, you should maintain eyecontact 60% to 70% of the time while they are speaking to you. You need to make good eye contact, but don’t stare. Research shows that the normal business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead and in the social gaze, the listener’s gaze drops down to also include the nose and the mouth.
N-od Your Head
You do not have to have a “bobblehead,” just occasionally nod your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker’s message. An added bonus of nodding your head is that it releases endorphin-like chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and more affable about the speaker.
T-urn off Technology
We have become so accustomed to answering the phone and looking at our computers, or leaving our hands on the keyboards when someone comes into our offices to talk. Not to mention, leaving our cell phones and PDAs on and attached to our waists at all times! We sometimes forget how rude all those things are. Signal your intent to really listen by turning off your computer or at least turning away from it; turning off the ringer on your desk phone; turning off the cell phones and pagers and saying out loud, “Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will make in the impression you will give to your customer – because so few listeners take the time to be that polite. I suggest that when you are going into an important meeting, especially one in which you will be presenting, remove any visible technology. Hide your cell phone and PDA, rather than wearing them on your waist. When you have them in view, you’re saying nonverbally that someone else is more important and could interrupt you at any time.
L-ean Forward
Proximity, that is, being physically close, signals your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don’t mean get in their face, merely lean-in toward the speaker. Research shows that in a seated conversation, a backward-lean communicates that you are dominant. A forward-lean shows interest.
E-xpose Your Heart
Orient the heart and ideally the upper portion of your body toward the speaker. People self-disclose more to listeners facing toward them. Even a quarterturn away signals a lack of interest to the speaker and makes the speaker shut down. It also says something about your response to the message. Research shows that when people feel under attack or defensive, or have low self- esteem, they protect their vulnerable heart area on their chest. Body language is a wonderfully symbolic language. Use it to show that you are an open, confident speaker, and listener, by showing your heart.
R-emove Barriers
That means take away things that block the access or view of the speaker and you. The barrier used most often is the arms. Though we have over 60 different motivations for folding our arms, speakers may see any arm-fold as a barrier, and a cue, that you are not listening. In fact, of all the different body language postures, the arm-fold is the most obvious indication of a lack of interest. You actually retain 30% less information from the speaker when you listen with your arms crossed. So, unfold your arms.
There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLER with your listening and watch client relationships improve, and profits increase!
Patti Wood is the author is “Success Signals – Body Language in Business” and “People Savvy.” She can be contacted at 404.371.8228, or visit www.pattiwood.net.
