What motivates you to do certain things? How do we begin to understand what creates the internal conflicts that cause you to do one thing, while seemingly desiring an entirely different pattern of behavior?
One of the great illusions is that the lives we create are the result of our biographies. This belief places us on a disempowered path that can lead to criticism and blame. Ultimately, we tend to blame ourselves, further disempowering ourselves to take the action required for change.
Change is never found in excuses. Change is made possible by looking fearlessly at the decisions that have shaped our lives, and recognizing that our lives will continue to be created by our future decisions. By uncovering the patterns that have stopped us from living in alignment with our values, and highlighting the beliefs beneath those patterns, we gain specific actionable insight into how we can move beyond our current lives and become everything we were meant to be.
1. Understand and Appreciate Their World — In order to have influence you must understand what is already being influential. As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt.”
2. Develop Rapport and Get Leverage — If you are seeking to shift resistant behavior, you need to get some leverage and use it. This requires a solid base of strong rapport and an understanding of the most important needs that are driving the behavior. Put the leverage at the “bargaining point.” To maximize the power of leverage, the consequence must be perceived to be immediate.
3. Interrupt Limiting or Destructive Patterns — Progress is made possible by the consistent and directed interruption of patterns. Be consistent, be appropriate, and be outrageous. This gives the space in which to create new choices. You must have rapport and respect for the person before interrupting a pattern.
4. Define the Problem in Solvable Terms — Define the problem by identifying what they really want. Help them to see what is missing and what needs to be restored. Look for what is really blocking them, and not accepting what they think is blocking them. This demands that you become excellent at recognizing patterns.
5. Create an Empowering Alternative — After defining the problem, you have to find an alternative that meets their need in a healthier way. These alternatives can be found through creativity and imagination. You help them access this creativity and bring existing resources to a new challenge.
6. Condition the New Thought, Feeling, Emotion or Action — You want to make sure this change lasts. By consistently reinforcing the thought, feeling, emotion or behavior, anything can be conditioned.
7. Connect to a Higher Purpose and Create an Empowering Environment — In order for change to last a lifetime, it must ultimately align with whom they are and what they wish to create. Furthermore, the environment within which we live and work are so powerful that it is important that we consider the effects of our peer groups.
Shawn Stewart is the Operations Manager at Gainesville Health and Fitness Center. Contact him at shawns@ghfc.com.
